Hot – canon 550d (Photo credit: @Doug88888)
The plumbing spoke to her behind the wall, but she gave it the silent treatment again. After the heat of the day, she couldn’t face a warm bath, and turned the tap marked “cold”.
Call Landlord, she noted, before closing her eyes and visualizing her toes being lapped by salty waves instead of the sulphur stench of the bath. She heard the cry of a gull; the creak of a beach umbrella opening. A breeze lifted the hair from her neck.
A man’s voice behind her rasped, “You called?”
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The puppet masters of the writing world used to say your first page, or even your first paragraph was important to hooking the reader and keeping them reading. With flash fiction, we don’t have time for that. For many pieces, the first paragraph IS the story (and forget about a whole page of words!). I love what Jim Harrington, Fiction Editor for Apollo’s Lyre, has to say:
Competition is tough for the limited spaces in elite journals–online or print–and authors need to pay attention to the details of writing in order to be successful. Do you have a dream journal you’d like to be published in? Instead of reading a few full stories, read just the first paragraphs and write down everything you learn in that brief span. Now take a new look at the openings of stories you’re having difficulty placing. Do they yank the reader into the story? Or do they limp along with too much description, burdensome backstory, or a lack of focus? If so, rewrite them to give them some spark. Heck, it’s even possible that you’ve started in the wrong place. Maybe your story really begins with the second or third paragraph. Whatever you decide is the best way to start your story, keep in mind the importance of grabbing editors by the throat (or heart) and not letting go until they read The End.
This is great advice for honing the micro-fiction craft to an even finer point. (Before long, we’ll all be writing on the head of a pin!)
Happy writing, and see you next Friday Flash!
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Friday Fictioneers is a group of flash fiction fans and writers who gather each week to respond in 100 words to a photo prompt. Begun by author and photographer Madison Woods, the group can now be found on FaceBook and Twitter (#FridayFictioneers), or by following the blog links at Madison’s weekly photo posting!
Click our happy friend below to view a listing of links to more of this Friday’s Flash Fiction…
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OOOOOO, creepy! Definitely NOT what I want to hear when I’m in the bath!
A cold bath is not my thing in ANY weather. And as for that rasping voice…! Shivering all over! Mine’s in the Link Collection next to the Happy Blue Man above.
So here landlord is ‘God’ or the ‘Devil’ then -not someone I’d want to rent a home from.
Here’s mine for other readers : http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/06/15/friday-fictioneers-visiting-grannys/
Creepy 🙂
Thanks so much for stopping by mine
I wasn’t sure if she was going to be afraid or happy at hearing the voice behind her. Maybe it was someone she hoped might show up….
Mine is here: http://wp.me/p1Wqon-aA
Oh, darn! I was right there on the beach with your character, when that “raspy voice” pulled me away, too. Good one!
–Jan
http://janmorrill.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/flashfriday-fictioneers-mos-shadow/
Not sure if the man walked in on her, but that would have been just rude.
Mine’s here: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/15/six-oclock/
Eeee, I’ll be locking the door tonight when I have a bath! Creepy.
http://freejournowriter.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/fridayfictioneers-step-by-step/
I see a ‘plumber’s crack’ in her future. I caught the part about the sulpher stench of the bath. I was raised in a house with sulpher water, it’s hard smell to escape. I enjoyed the story and the writer’s tip too. Thanks for reading & commenting on mine.
http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/
A creepy landlord! Be careful where your thoughts will take you. Mine is here and linked: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/fridayfictioneers-sacrilege/
Creepy, definitely. Well done. I loved that the “plumbing spoke to her.” Very nice use of words! Here’s mine: http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/06/15/friday-fictioneers-6152012-the-watcher/
Creeeep-py ——-but I loved it. Well done.
Mine: http://www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html
Great setup. Not one wasted word. Very nicely done. I especially liked the subtlety of the “breeze lifted the hair from her neck ” just as the intruder breaks through her reverie.
Here’s mine: http://wp.me/p1Tjpv-by
Creeeeeppy and spooky Think I’ll take only showers for a while and lock the door. But what has this got to do with this week’s prompt titled: Path? Or did I miss something? Thanks for reading mine.
Madison just gives us a photo prompt. The title to her piece is “Pathways”, but that isn’t meant to be a prompt for us. Also, we don’t have to use her photo (I just couldn’t think of a thing for it this week!!!) Thanks for stopping by – I visited you earlier!
Made the hair on my neck stand up. I hope she lives to get out of the lease!
Mine is here: http://oldentimes.wordpress.com/2012/06/14/fridat-fictioneers/
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I’ve heard plumbing speaking before, too – it’s a sound I’d forgotten all about and now I can’t even remember where I’d heard it. Another interesting little tale (and I’m pretty late in getting around to reading it!)
Only those in decrepit apartments have had the rare privilege of vocal pipes, Madison. The memory is probably buried somewhere in your impoverished history (I’m guessing student or newlywed years!)
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