Lara followed the drop’s descent to the surface of the water. She had wanted this bath.
She had anticipated its soothing warmth all through the difficult day, considered which scented salts to measure into its depths.
She focused her remaining energy on the toe of her left foot. It would not touch the lever that released the floodgates.
Her salvation.
Her throat began to close on the earlier “nightcap”. Only her eyes could shift up and down, up and down.
His shoes blocked the strip of light beneath the door; his hand rested on her forehead,
and pushed.
———–
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Flash fiction captures a moment in time.
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A flash fiction writer is someone who can write short on long subjects.
- The flash fiction writer presents the dots in such a way that the reader can connect them.
- The flash fiction story is really two stories: the surface story and the implied story.
- The form of the flash fiction story is the setup, the buildup and the payoff. It is best to keep the setup short.
Want more Flash Fiction? Visit these Friday Fictioneers for more 100-word heaven! (If you have a flash fiction piece to share, please leave a link in Comments!) You can also visit the originator of the photo prompts, Madison Woods, or follow the gang on Twitter – #FridayFictioneers.
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Karen B. Nelson 
You certainly captured the moment.
A great tale, scary, intriguing, leaving the reader wondering what next.
A great read. Thanks.
Wow, what a great story, and how quickly it turns sinister. Great plot line. One quibble: Near the start of the second graph, it should be its instead of it’s.
Here’s mine: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/
Thanks – I changed it. The hands are quicker than the eye (but not necessarily more accurate!)
Ooh, horrifying. Excellent work on the scene — I agree with Mike. Also, have you seen What Lies Beneath? It’s like the movie rendition of this piece.
Here’s mine for this week: http://thecolorlime.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/time-pause-play-rewind-101/
Powerful! I suspected something at the mention of the throat closing nightcap, but this was an interesting surprise. Well written.
Wow – how quickly the tide turned! Way to channel your inner-Hitchcock! 🙂
Nice work
Very good piece. My only criticism is that I’d like to see some foreshadowing to heighten suspense. I think this work is professional and could find a home in one of the better literary ezines.
Her’s mine: http://furiousfictions.com.
Excellent work! It’s understated but conveys a bleak, bittersweet and more than a little disturbing feel. It’s nice and brisk too, so even if you guess where it’s going the ending still packs a punch. The Lime noted the similar scene in What Lies Beneath, and I must admit I couldn’t help but picture Harrison Ford’s leering face. “No, Indy, no!”
This is mine. Like you, I ignored the conductor (mainly because I had no idea about the photo prompt).
http://jaykayel.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/my-first-time-100-word-flash-fiction/
Wow…very creepy and terrifying. I would hate feeling that powerless and helpless. Thank you for sharing.
~Susan (Here’s mine: http://www.susanwenzel.com/)
Disturbing. Great suspense. Leaves me feeling afraid to take a bath!
Great switch up of action from completely relaxing to sheer terror!
Nice~!
Dear Karen,
The relaxing moment of slipping into a bath and the way you pulled us into it are both sensual and enjoyable. Then the shift tone, the quiet menace…and the push. Very well done, indeed.
Aloha,
Doug
http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/pastoral/#comments
Oh my. I was all ready to “feel” her relaxing in the warm bath, then all of a sudden, with one word, you changed the whole tone. Excellent!
Here’s mine:
http://www.jansthoughtsovercoffee.blogspot.com/2012/01/flashfriday-fridayfictioneers-that-girl.html
Enjoyed!
I always find it difficult to switch out when I’m reading twenty stories about something similar, today a conductor or a boy. I get pulled in and it’s difficult to give the same attention to something different. It should be refreshing and easier, but for some reason it isn’t. It’s why I haven’t left comments before. A note, since it keeps happening, Robin
Thanks for all your great comments! I’ve enjoyed reading everyone’s “flashes of brilliance” – you are a great bunch of writers!
@Robin – I’ve actually only used my own photo a couple of times. If you read over Madison Woods’ notes, her photo prompt is merely a suggestion. Sometimes the mood just doesn’t strike for a writer with a particular image (but is fantastic for someone else). That’s okay. Friday Fictioneers aren’t meant to be variations on a theme, but rather an opportunity for stretching their writing muscles and do something fun at the end of the week. If you have difficulty viewing a writer’s work on its own merits, you might want to take a look at some of the flash fiction journals and “practice” switching your attention from one piece to another. It’s kind of like visiting an art museum. You have to allow yourself to “breathe” between pieces to fully appreciate them as individual statements. One of my favorite weeks included a piece from Jan Morrill that was actually a poem! Its individuality was what jarred me from the hypnotic trance I was in from reading one similar topic after another. I love surprises!
Actually, I think something different goes on. I think I get more and more concentrated on the nuances–the child’s expression and how the interpretation differs between writers, for example–and read for the differences. So when something is wildly different, it feels like I’m evaluating a post-modern painting with a pop surrealism set of expectations (to use your analogy). Anyway, it only affects my ability to comment, not my enjoyment. Robin
Pieces like this make me truly appreciate flash fiction- your story is so complex and you give us lots of hints into what is going on, what happened to get her at this moment and what will probably happen Next- (in so few words!) the probably is what also drives me crazy though! Now I feel like I need to know! Lol, fantastic work here though
Loved your chilling tale, Karen! At first it started out sounding like sweet surrender at the end of a rough day at work, but ended up being surrender of an entirely different sort. Great twist 🙂
Lovely twist at the end. Before that I felt quite jealous of her having the time to savour a relaxing bath! You may have now put me off that for some time…! Great piece – thanks for joining us.
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